my sister once wrote a poem: it was titled
one half of a love letter or something like that. i don't remember the details, but i feel like it describes my life... a lot of things started: few finished.
happy 2008. i wish i could remember the last time something changed with the new year. things tend to change at other times of the year. may--graduation, or august a big move. nothing actually changes on
January 1. nevertheless, new years is the day to reflect. i can look back on last year and see all the grand changes and completions that did take place: i completed my bachelor's degree. i finished a few good books. i wrote a 75 page thesis, defended, and passed my oral exam. all good things. somehow, with the changing of the
calender, it is the bitter events that stick in my mind more fervently: mistakes with friendships and relationships, never finishing that one book, only learning 1/2 as much
spanish as i would like. why does the word "new year" elicit such a negative response in me? is it because i am growing older? feeling older? feeling less-wise?
behind plastic wine glasses, half drinkable
mojitos, and long games of "taboo," i see my reflection in a college apartment mirror. it is the same. almost like
high school- thin and strained. and yet, i feel 55 not 23. years are not kind to bodies that run too much and sleep too little. writing is supposed to be therapeutic, but sometimes it is a disease. "happy new year" sounds more like, "be happy, but know that time is escaping you." what would i have done differently last year if i could live it again? call that friend instead of cramming for an exam that i already knew the information for. raised money for more charities. stayed in
peru longer. too many things i suppose. but life is not about regret, it is about living and looking forward.
i don't want to be 1/2 of a love letter. that is what i feel like. unfinished. unresolved? how to make 2008 great.
for starters... i am going to read. i am going to sleep more. and i am not going to make those things "new years resolutions" because i hate that concept. instead, i am going to keep working on being a better person. because when the next new year comes knocking, i don't want this negative feeling to creep up on me. does anyone agree?
